A Break in the Silence

It has been some time since I have posted, with that it has been some time since I have sat with myself in my thoughts and feelings and reflected on all the wonder around me. Life's pace only seems to quicken, opportunities to relish and savor seem to be fleeting.

Speaking of savoring, last night my son's school had a Holiday party. We loaded the whole crew up and headed that way. The trip was as all trips of ours are, a symphony of sounds that echo the rumble of a family on the move. But for a moment there was glimpse of silence, which was soon filled with the sound of someone doing their business, if you know what I mean....

My daughter has been having some bouts of constipation lately, and my wife and I thought it was her relieving herself. But the way our dogs were acting in the back was strange, we wondered if something more concerning had happened.

We arrived at the school to find the party just wrapping up, a quick peak in the back made it look as though nothing had happened with our dogs, we figured it must have been our daughter. We headed in to give the gifts we had and to change our daughter.

Once we got in I checked our daughter, and she was dry.. Very curious.

After everything got wrapped up we headed back to the car and on our way, only to be greeted by...... well something that I think nobody ever hopes to find in their car. One of our dogs must have had to go to the bathroom awfully bad as they violently violated the back area of our vehicle. As you could imagine the smell was generous enough to fill the whole vehicle, making for a really interesting ride home.

Let me tell you it made for a really fun cleanup...

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving, what a wonderful time of year. Fall is in full swing packing a chill in the air, leaves rustle under foot, darkness creeps in ever sooner with each passing day. It is a time in which nature rests and prepares for the looming winter months. It is from nature's weariness that I draw wonder, this is a time of year that nourishes my soul. All the better reason to stop and take pause and be appreciative and thankful from my heart for the many blessings that my life holds.

For me that past year has gone by incredibly fast, it seems like my daughter was just born and now she is over seven months old. In my mind's yesterday, my son was just learning to walk and speak, now he is flourishing into our little man. It even seems that time is beginning to show itself in our dogs, while they never lack for energy I see gray hair more and more in Grace, and Abby is becoming more like a piece of furniture by the day. None the less the blessings are plentiful, and the wonders many.

When I think about what I am thankful for, my wife immediately comes to my mind. It is my honor to share each day with her, in the hopes that I may fill her heart with the love that she fills mine with. Mi amor, tu eres mi corazon, mi alma, mi vida, y mi todo. Together we have begun filling our home into the home of a family, thank you!

My son and my daughter, there are no words that could ever do justice to describing how thankful I am for both of you. I learn from you both each day just how wonderful and amazing life is, thank you.

Finding Peace

This past week was one of those weeks in life that are never forgotten. We were summoned home to pay our final respects to my father in-laws mother Noreen, who had passed away. This was a trip that we knew would be coming, somehow even in understanding that it would be happening we were still unprepared. Hastily we made plans to drive the 1,000 miles one way to make our way back as soon as possible. Very soon our journey lay before us, with the van packed and fueled we embarked on our journey at just past 3:00 a.m.

Having four adults and two little ones packed into a van with a daunting drive ahead is all but a recipe for near disaster, thankfully it was anything but that. Instead it was a refreshing reminder of the power and love of family.

As we made our way during those dark hours of the morning my wife and mother in-law tried to sneak in some sleep with the little ones. Leaving me and my father in-law to keep each other awake and alert during the drive, as he drove he spoke a little about his mother, and a lot about the nuances of his family. I found myself bearing witness to things that I had not previously known in the sixteen years we have shared. The hours and the miles blurred by and the next thing we knew my son, daughter, wife, and mother in-law were awake; breathing an energy of renewal not only into our vehicle, but also into our lives.

We were making the trek home like I said to pay our final respects to Noreen, but what we didn't talk about was that we are walking pieces of her legacy, demonstrating that her life and family will go on, providing at least in some sense that while she is no longer with us, she is still with us. In the energy that everyone brought into the vehicle the overall mood was playful and light hearted, which I hope helped my father in-law in knowing that we were there to support him, as well as to hopefully remind him that life is to be celebrated.

As we pulled into Spearfish, South Dakota we all had weary minds and eyes; yet somehow there was a feeling that if we could choose to be anywhere, this is a pretty damn good place to be. We grabbed some much needed rest, then tried to burn off the reserve energy that the road hadn't sapped from us, in an effort to still feel human.

We grabbed dinner in a quaint little restaurant in Spearfish and romanticized the beauty of small town living. This would be a common theme throughout the trip, looking back with admiration, and to some degree a bit of longing. That would change though as we found it harder and harder to satisfy the conveniences we had become so accustomed to living in a larger community.

With full bellies and satisfied minds we sauntered off, stopping to grab some more much needed caffeine before retiring to the hotel for the night.

Typically I would have thought this would be the perfect opportunity for some much needed isolation from my in-laws, but not this time, and maybe not ever again.

Instead we did everything as a team, better said, as a family. We played with the children until fatigue set in to the point that we knew it best to make our arrangements for baths and bedtime.

As we set out in the early morning hours again the next morning there was an unspoken sense of what loomed in front of us, the real work of a grieving family, but also the appreciation for the powerful energy from our little traveling clan. We meandered our way through South Dakota and Wyoming, my father in-law sharing his stories, then when everyone woke up and the stories that were shared grew to be the telling of the fabric of a family, one sewn on smiles, laughs, tears, and miles. As we came into Montana the legends of previous trips filled the car, with look at this, and remember the time, or isn't that..... It was a beautiful energy.

After lunch I drifted off to sleep as my father in-law like a hawk identified all of the perfect locations for future log cabins. I was abruptly awoken as we almost slammed into an island barricade, my wife and mother in-law screaming to alert my father in-law of the pending doom, swiftly and skillfully he swerved to dodge the obstruction, all the while claiming to be in complete control.

It was the perfect way for us to roll into town, like a band of Griswold's barreling our way to our destination. We quickly got settled in and started making arrangements to link up with the other family members in town.

I'll leave it there for now, as the rest of the trip was spent fulfilling the purpose that got us rolling in the first place, honoring life and finding peace.

Carpe Diem - HDT

In what seems to be my never ending pursuit of becoming the man I know I am capable of being, I have been trying to listen to things that years ago I would have mocked in ignorance. The latest stop along this path has been listening to some Henry David Thoreau poems, and I have to say that once I got past some of the awkward language that I have really enjoyed it.

This morning I listened to Carpe Diem "Build not on tomorrow", and it was a timely piece to listen to given the way my morning went. One particular line really got me thinking, "The task of the present, be sure to fulfill". It seems that I spent some portion of my morning looking beyond the task of the present, instead looking at what needed to be done next, then what is up after that, then after that...

You get the picture, but the idea is that I was trying to get all of these things done without fulfilling the present moment and being present in it and fully engaged. Leaving me with my unrealized expectations which can for me be a path towards frustration.

I have learned and continue to learn that focusing on the present moment and fulfilling the purpose of that moment is key for me. Despite my best efforts I have found that some lessons require habitual violation to reinforce a better way. There is an old Jim Croce song that sums it up, "I just look at myself to find, I learn the hard way every time".

When Life Give You Apples........Pick Them!

This Sunday morning after a Saturday full of unrealized expectations we did just the right things to get back on track, road trip! We had been wanting to take our son and daughter to pick apples at one of the nearby apple orchards, but we hadn't yet made time to do it, well that changed Sunday morning.

We loaded the whole crew up (including the dogs), and headed South. Forty five minutes later we were on our first hay rack ride headed to pick some apples! My son spent more time picking apples and throwing them then he did finding any keepers to be put in our bag, but we all had a great time. Culminating in enjoying some fresh cherry turnovers that were still warm.

Fatigue IV, or at least I'd like to think so....

I just had the worst revelation... I realized that I am on cruise control or auto pilot, whatever you want to call it. I realized this on my way into work, I was trying to remember if I had told my wife how beautiful she is, before we left this morning to head into work. As soon as I had the thought I knew the answer, I hadn't. Then I tried to think about when the last time that I had complimented her was, and I didn't like how long it took me to find an example.

Conveniently I chalk all of this up to fatigue, trying to deceive myself that I actually have a good reason. When the truth is I haven't been mindfully engaged in the present like I should be.

It All Goes By So Fast

Time is a funny thing, I know I have written about this in the past, but last night I couldn't help but be reminded of just how fleeting time can be.

I was sitting with my son and daughter on a chair that was barely big enough to fit us. My son decided he wanted to sit up on the arm rest and there we sat reading Snuggle Puppy, by Sandra Boynton. This book is a regular in our reading cycle given that it celebrates love, and dogs. But the book wasn't the reason that I was reminded of how quickly time passes. As we were sitting there reading our book my wife's phone rang, now normally I have a policy that I won't let the phone interrupt something like this, but given that it was my wife's dad, I took the call.

He was wanting to check up on our son, who has been sick recently.... Right after his sister just got over being sick, but that is another story. As soon as my son knew who I was talking to he wanted to talk to him. Now mind you this isn't the first time my son has tried to talk on the phone, generally he hears what people are saying and motions his answers to them, he doesn't generally say a whole lot, nor does he stay interested for very long. Not last night, while he was on the phone I watched him listen to each sentence and respond, in words and in his gestures. This continued for almost five minutes.

As I watched him I was overcome with the sense that our little boy, wasn't going to stay so little for very long. He is changing daily, his personality bursts out of his little body. I have to admit that I am in no hurry for him to grow up too fast, I mean with that I know will come the day that he won't want to hold hands, or be tucked into bed and kissed good night.....

Thankfully as I watched our dynamically changing two year old son, I held our 5 month old daughter.

2 Years Old!!!!

At 2:07 this morning our son turned two years old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone and what a little boy he is growing into. He is such an awesome little boy, every day he reminds us how miraculous life is, and how blessed we are.

We love you son! Happy Birthday!!

R.I.P. Evan Tanner

“Believe in yourself. Believe in your own potential for greatness. Believe that you can change the world. It is something that is within each of us.”

Evan Tanner

Shooter

Last night we continued our anniversary celebration with a night on the town. Another one of the artists we enjoy was in town and we thought that it would be a blast to take in a concert, as well as test our luck at roulette.

Thankfully my wife carried the day with her luck at the gambling. Somehow my strategy of betting all of my money on our anniversary number of seven, didn't pay off. The only time seven came up was in the picture above. It was funny though, five, six, and eight all hit like crazy, but seven eluded me. I was out fifty in a hurry, plus the twenty I bet on a hand of black jack, somehow gambling isn't a strength of mine. My wife though more than made up for misfortunes...... Great work babe, next time I'll stick to your "strategy"!!!!

After our good times at roulette we were off to the show, and this time we got more than our money worth.... We were on time, had good seats, and got treated to seventeen songs!!! Shooter Jennings did not disappoint, that is for sure.

On the way out I grabbed the set list for good measure....

7 Years - Thank You My Love

Today marks the anniversary of one of the best days of my life, it is the seventh anniversary of the day my wife and I got married.

If someone would have described to me what my life would be like from that day until now, if I'm honest... I would have said that they had to be describing the life of the luckiest man alive.

We have been all over this wide world, experienced everything from drinking cow's milk just seconds after it was harvested, to welcoming our beautiful children into this world. Our experiences have run the entire spectrum, and I am thankful to have my best friend, and the love of my life by my side through it all.

Reaching the Stars

Well it happened, yesterday we threw caution to the wind and embarked on a mid week eight hour journey to the stars. By that I mean that we lived spontaneously and seized opportunity. For the last seven months I have been listening almost exclusively to an artist that I stumbled upon, Joe Purdy. For those of you who may not be familiar with his music, check out his website, www.joepurdy.com. You can listen to all of his music off of his website.

So anyways over this time my wife and I have become really big fans of his music. He doesn't tour much but the unique opportunity to see him live presented itself in the form of Joe opening for Steve Earle in a small theater in Des Moines, last night.

When we thought about the logistics about seeing him we went back and forth, what can we do with our children and dogs. Finally it seemed that we had decided that it just wasn't very good timing and we would catch him another time.

Then my wife's travelling spirit seized us and next thing you know we were packing up the children, dogs, and grandparents (to take care of the little ones and dogs), to make the two hour drive to Des Moines. We loaded up in the late afternoon and headed East.

We had to rent a car big enough for all of us, still it was barely big enough. None the less we arrived in Des Moines, a community that we lived in for two years, and we had time to even get dinner from one of our old haunts. It was a great start to a great evening.

We gobbled down dinner in our hotel, dogs going crazy, as well as my son exploring every nook and cranny of the room. My wife fed our daughter and off we go, 7:24 we are in the car headed to the show.

Now we had some confusion about when the show started, our guy, Joe Purdy was the opening act. By some accounts it looked like the doors opened at 7:30 p.m. and the show started at 8 p.m. We walked in and bought our tickets at 7:37, to our surprise the lady at the box office said the opener was on.....

Quickly we rushed to our seats and caught him in mid song. No doubt he was already on, have you ever heard of a concert that started on time??????

He sounded just as good, if not better live than on his cd's. His set was short, we saw him perform five and a half songs total, for around thirty two minutes. But man was it great, he was every bit of the entertainer that I had hoped for. It was an awesome opportunity that only got better.

After his set we had hoped that he might make an appearance at his merchandise table. The only problem was he didn't have a merchandise table. So we milled around for a while, hoping to run into him. Just as we decided to walk around and see if he might be somewhere else, he walked up.

There was a handful of people following him, talking to him and introducing themselves. My heart was beating like crazy, I felt like a little child about to meet Mickey Mouse or something. I mean standing before was the guy that had the artistic genius that I sing along to all of the time. Could this really be him, could this be real, and could I really be having this reaction.

I tried to respectfully wait for the people around him to disperse, and finally they did. I introduced myself and shook his hand. It was an awesome opportunity to finally meet someone that seems to know me well, at least based on his songs. My wife and I talked to him for probably the next ten minutes or so, he was humble and sincerely appreciative, just as I had hoped he would be. It was an awesome opportunity to share space and time with someone whose music means so much to us. I can't wait to see him again when the opportunity comes.

After talking with Joe we went and got a coffee at one of our old favorite coffee shops, grabbed the children, dogs, and grandparents and headed home.

Talk about an unconventional and delightful experience. I cannot thank my wife enough for holding us accountable to seizing opportunity and new horizons. It was truly a dream come true.

Footprints and Faceprints, In the Sand

In Tom Martin's The Flightless Birds of Academe, he very poignantly states, "Out of the depths of the modern ghetto of sanitized suburbia these men yearn to be awakened from their idleness of being tethered to television and computer screens". I couldn't think of a more accurate summary of why our recent trip to Florida was a much needed reprieve from our day to day. With that being said we all embarked on our latest adventure.

We went down to Clearwater Beach, Florida, a beautiful location to get some much needed time away. An opportunity to focus on each other and having a relaxing and fun time, no doubt that was what we got.

We arrived in the early afternoon on Wednesday, and found a quaint local restaurant to grab some lunch. I went with the special, I mean come on, what could be more tantalizing than the daily special. It was a fried oyster sandwich, which I must admit was a bit of a stretch for me, as the last time I had an oyster it was of the canned variety in probably 1992. But hey, I was on vacation, why not step out on the ledge. Needless to say it wasn't a completely botched experiment, but I remembered why I don't eat a lot of oysters. My wife in her wisdom went with the Grouper and found it quite satisfying. Everyone in the place was great to us, by that I mean they said a lot of wonderful things about our children, it was indeed a perfect start to our experience.

Quickly we made our way back to the hotel as we had some perfect beach conditions to attend to. Now don't get the wrong idea, remember we have an almost two year old and a twelve week old. For us perfect conditions means cloudy and overcast, with a temp in the low eighties. Much less concern for heat and sun exposure! It was perfect, but strangely enough it didn't play out quite like I thought it would. See we've been preparing our son for this trip for the last couple weeks with trips to the local pool. I thought in my mind that we wouldn't be able to get him out of the warm gulf waters, that wasn't the case at all. Instead he wanted to do anything and everything he could with the sand, in between wild bouts of running around like a category five hurricane. None the less it was a perfect opportunity for him to be free in nature.

We also got the great opportunity to get our daughter introduced to the beach and warm gulf waters, she seemed to enjoy it, but it should be noted she enjoys everything. That is except for the occasional over-heating from being with me for too long.

Which reminds me of how this all worked out better than we had hoped, most of the time we spend together is in the midst of near chaos: meal time, bath time, anytime, you name it, we are going at a fair rate of speed. This provided a great opportunity to spend time simply focused on each other. Nothing is more rewarding or important.

We spent the next three mornings in similar fashion, thankfully the weather cooperated with us everyday and gave us perfect family beach conditions.

In the afternoon we explored the area, going down to St. Petersburg and into Tampa.

During our visit to St. Petersburg we visited their Holocaust museum, which I have to admit was a profound experience for me that I didn't anticipate. I thought that having seen the standard Holocaust movies that I might be prepared to face the grim reality of this awful time in history. That indeed was not the case, as I stood in front of one of the original rail cars that had been used to transport to places like Auschwitz, Dachau, and Treblinka. I could feel the history and wretched experiences flowing out of this car and into me, I was sick to my stomach. That anyone ever faced such atrocities shamed me deeply. It was a powerful experience in the sense that much like many things in my life: I realized the extent to which I thought I understood, versus my true understanding, exposing me to my own ignorance. Truly humbling and something that I would recommend for everyone.

Beyond our trip into St. Petersburg, we also hit Ybor City, in Tampa. This is an old part of Tampa and offered all the charm and elegance one might hope for in such an area. We had a wonderful dinner and enjoyed walking the streets.

It was upon leaving Ybor City that we encountered that wonderful feeling of being a visitor in a new location, getting lost. Not to worry though, a half an hour later we finally found our way headed back to Clearwater Beach. It is important to note that Clearwater Beach is widely known for it's spectacular sunsets, which of course based on our planning we would be arriving back from Ybor City precisely thrity minutes prior to sunset, well you can see based on our thirty minute delay we missed sunset on the pier. While that was disappointing we did enjoy the view from the car headed in that direction.

Lamenting the fact that we missed the sunset we did still hit the pier and found a great community of people out enjoying this spectacular night. Our son played on the outdoor playground and we all had a blast, we sealed the night off with my favorite, ice cream!!!

All in all the trip provided the wonderful material of which all memories are made, opportunity to be together and experience each other in harmony, while pursuing adventure or creating it wherever we are.

Goodbye and Thank You to Arturo Gatti

Yesterday I saw with horror the ESPN ticker say that Arturo Gatti had been killed. The details of which were awful and have no bearing on the legacy this man has left.

I remember very clearly in May of 2002 watching Arturo fight Micky Ward, this was the first of their three meetings, and for a boxing fan watching these three fights were heaven.

My wife, brother in-law, and I watched as these gladiators fought their hearts out. Immediately we all loved them both.

Arturo was the kind of fighter that no matter how much damage he took, he kept coming, kept moving forward, stalking and carrying with him a punchers chance with every shot he threw. Thanks to him I found my passion for the sweet science and he was the best ambassador the sport could have.

He will always be a champion in my eyes....

Thank you Arturo for all of the memories, rest in peace.

Water Slide!!!

Yesterday evening we finally made good on our promise to take the family to the neighborhood pool. It has been fiercely hot around here and we figured this trip was long overdue. Of course our trip wasn't without any mishaps, I mean the pool didn't take debit and who the heck carries cash these days anyways?

We quickly got that resolved and gained our admittance into the pool. What a summertime delight community pools can be. I had forgotten but it was really awesome to see so many people out enjoying themselves.

We made our way over to the little person section and tried to test the waters. My wife had our daughter and I had our son. Thankfully they had a zero depth entrance which made everything really nice. My son made it in as far as these little fountains (ankle deep), put his hand in them and decided he'd had enough.

He wanted to walk around for a while, so that is what we did. I think it was after watching all of the children jump off the diving board that he got his nerve back.

We headed back in and made it to chest deep, he was careful, but enjoying himself. Then we made it over to the small water slide. He enjoys slides very much, but I have to say I was nervous to see how this would go.

We climbed up to the top and got ourselves ready to go, when I heard the distinct sound of a life guards whistle. This is a familiar sound to me you see, as a youth I got many warnings for running and dunking. He was polite enough to inform me that indeed this was not a slide that we could go down together, one at a time he said.

OK, no problem I thought. I guess he will have to go solo, after my wife guided him up to the top, I waited at the bottom. Down he went, and the look on his face was priceless, he was in heaven.

Twelve more trips down the slide and the pool was closing. I figured this was a good first go round, as it left him wanting more.

We topped the night off the only right way that you can, Dairy Queen ice cream cones!!! I know I said I am committed to fitness, but let's be reasonable, who can turn down a chocolate dipped cone from DQ? Not me.....

It was a blast and at its core it held the essence of what all summer nights should hold, good times!

31

Well it has come, quickly another year has passed and my birthday is upon me. Thankfully I have fully embraced thirty, so thirty-one is no shock to my mind or body. Due to a new training program I feel better than I have in a long time. That coupled with my studies has led me to some revealing truths. Some of my learning's carve out my new path and direction as I work to ascend into the person I know I can be. That person is all encompassing: husband, father, man, and friend. You each share in this journey and it is my hope that you will only find my refinements to be encouraging and wonderful.

It seems to me that the night before my birthday I go into this semi-self loathing phase. My mind quickly streams all the missed opportunities to be the man I know I am capable of. It is in it's nature a bit of a harsh assessment, but what the hell, why beat around the bush when it comes to your own improvement? This time is like no other, the stakes for me have never been higher. Ian Dawe said it best, "I stand before each of you a man in his becoming". Just the nature of that statement is very inspirational. Acknowledging that I am very incomplete, and "every new step towards awakening reveals my own self serving ignorance" as Mark Twight put it.

My hope is that by at least acknowledging my ignorance I can at least takes steps in being less of a fool. I have done a lot of learning in this past year, with a growing family it seems that in every moment there is a lesson. I have tried to be mindful of those lessons, and while I think it is going well, I haven't done a great job reflecting on the essence of those lessons and what stands to be gained by applying new approaches.

It is through both formal and informal mechanisms for learning that I approach this, my thirty-first year with my eyes wide open. Knowing that in years past my own arrogance assumed that I had it all figured out, for all intensive purposes I have tried to amputate that arrogance, it's of no use to me in the direction I am taking. If we were talking in the language of organs I am looking to amputate arrogance and have a humility transplant. Humbled by the great nature of this world, calibrating the lenses from which I view, mindfully humbled...

Step One - Mindfulness

As well I have been less flexible than I have somehow convinced myself that I am. Whether it is going with the flow or embracing the moment, while I like to tell myself that I am as they say in the Dominican Republic, flojo. I explicitly acknowledge that I have much room to make up in this regard. I am hoping to be peaceful in the moment, knowing that it is in the moment where laughs are made, triumph is celebrated, despair is reconciled, in the moment. Not in yesterdays or tomorrow, but in the right now. I am hoping to incorporate a few techniques to help me with this, namely conscious breathing and wearing a smile. Peacefully in the moment riding its energy to the next great moment, that is my aim.

Step Two - Peace


I would be re-miss to all that is sacred to me if I didn't acknowledge here that I hope to pour all my being into loving those that are dearest to me. I am blessed that each day I wake up to the most beautiful woman in the world, and that she is my best friend, my soul's mate, and the angel of my life. Together we have two beautiful souls that are our children. It is my hope that their hearts overflow with love.

Step Three - Love


Talk is cheap. I once read the quote, "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear a word you say". May my actions model the way for all that I stand for and all that I hold to be true. I have often been victim of talking one way while not always reflecting that same course with my actions. My hope is to be the change that I wish to see in the world.

Step Four - Model the way.

If you've seen me, than you know that I am not the picture of health, and this is where the fifth step focuses.

Step Five - Commit to fitness

There you have it, a brief view of my world and where it stands. My goals for the next year of my life. If you see me please hold me accountable to what I have put out here, that is what support is all about.

Way Too Long

Well as you can see I haven't posted in a very long time. Much has happened in the time I have been away. It seems that everyday I am reminded of the advice that I got when my wife and I first found out we were expecting, "hold on, it all goes by so fast, before you know it your children will be off to college".

I can really relate with that. It seems that since my daughter has been born everything is moving at warp speed. My son continues to grow everyday, he now very frequently wants to hold his sister and cuddle with her. He is an amazing big brother.

My daughter will be six weeks this Wednesday. I can't believe it, she is doing great. She is eating well and sleeping better than can be expected. She is getting stronger everyday, joy and love beam from her eyes. Somehow everything is going just as it should be.

I just wanted to drop a quick line of update.

Live Well
Laugh Often
Love Much

A New Beginning

Poised just beyond the shadows, there is a new dawn appearing. A new awakening is occuring, and with it a new perspective. For the last two weeks I have been basking in the glow of a miracle. With the birth of my daughter a wide range of emotions have been experienced. Namely just the thought of being entrusted with this precious and perfect life. I pray to never make a missed step to spoil her perfection.

The road isn't easy, challenge and obstacles abound. Only with and through the strength of our family does everything happen gracefully. It seems that in these moments I am truly able to take inventory of the strength and wonderful attributes of my wife. She is a silent warrior, she is the foundation from which our family is built. We are indeed in the best of hands.

I have said in the past that fatigue makes cowards of us all. This morning when my eyes openned I could taste the regret in my mouth. With gaps in my memory I knew that somewhere in the night I fell asleep, and that I missed a good share of the real work.

Around 10:30 our daughter wasn't wanting to fall asleep, so I was rocking her until her brother decided that he wanted to be upstairs, some time around 11:15 or so. I remember getting him and bringing him to our bed, I had given our daughter to my wife... That much I was sure of.

But I must have closed my eyes, because I didn't know how the story ended. It seems that I left my wife on watch as I dosed off, she finally got her to sleep just after 1:30 in the a.m.

I felt horrible, I left her flying solo, and she was already very tired when we went to bed. What a great partner I am, huh?

Redemption awaits us in the actions with which we respond to disappointment.

Tonight will be different, no more sleeping on my watch!!!!!

Precious Gifts

Growing Pains

Ah the pains a growing family goes through. I just didn't expect to feel them so fast. On Wednesday Aprill 22nd our daughter was born, by Friday the 24th her older brother had a consistent fever. He has a history of ear infections and since the fever wasn't spiking we thought it would pass. We were fairly germ disciplined, but nothing crazy. He was around his sister and touched her a few times as well as a couple kisses on her head. Well his fever didn't go away and finally on Monday we got him into the doctor....

They said he had croup, an upper respitory infection and shouldn't be in the same room as his sister. Now this put us in a real situation, we had only a few options in order to avoid any further exposure for our precious newborn daughter.

So at just after 5:30 p.m. yesterday night we packed a bag for him and me to stay at my wife's parents house. Only 5 days into our daughter's life and I was already going to be spending the night away. This was a very difficult situation for us, but we knew that it is far better to place it to safe than to risky. As my wife and I realized the only choice we could make, our hearts dropped. So far she is showing no signs of having caught anything, thank God.

Meanwhile my son has developed that awful croup cough.

More to come, as well as the story of the amazing journey that brought her to us.

4/22/2009

This morning at just after 3:00 a.m. my wife woke me up and told me that she thought labor had started. She had been having contractions for about an hour, and everything led her to believe this was no false alarm.

In true poetic fashion, after she told me she was having contractions I asked her if she thought she could sleep through them for a while. How is that, the next biggest moment of my life was starting, and I wanted to hit the snooze button. I guess have more work to do on myself than I thought.

I snapped out of my fog and started trying to be the support partner my wife needed. We left the house at just after 8 a.m., grabbed a coffee and hit the hospital. I know another selfish move by me on grabbing the coffee..... You should have seen the barista's face when I asked if she could get the coffee a little quicker because my wife was having contractions. I don't think she believed me, and no they didn't have a free cup of joe policy for husbands whose wives are in labor.

So we get to the hospital, contractions are around 5 minutes apart when my wife is sitting down, 3 minutes when she is standing. Our birth plan called for us to labor at home as long as possible. Hoping to arrive at the hospital with my wife dialated somewhere around 5 cm, when they checked her she was 7-8 cm!!!! A tornado of nurses hit the room like we were going to be pushing in seconds, and it wasn't that long later we were.

My wife must have pushed only 6-8 times and our beautiful daughter was born, 8 lbs 14 oz, 21" long.

I watched my wife deliver our beautiful baby daughter without the aide of any medicine, just on her resolve and committment alone. This is where the real story begins, so I will leave that story for another day.

Live Well
Laugh Often
Love Much

The Next Best Day of My Life........

Nervous and anxious I tremble on the edge of new beginnings.

My wife's due date is today, 4/21/2009. We have spent the last 9 months preparing for this time, yet I am overcome with all of the feelings that you can never truly be prepared for.

I am nervous and excited to say the least. On the edge of a new beginning, the next best day of my life lies right around the corner. I am but a mere witness to the miracle that awaits us. My wife, the beautiful and courageous woman that she is stands ready to do the real work.

While a tornado works inside of me, she is the calm that rights the ship in the storm. Somehow ready to harnesses the power that only she has to bring clarity to this momentus occasion.

I have watched the glow over take her, her skin shines much brighter, her thoughts and actions have taken on a more purposeful intent. No doubt she is ready, somehow aware that all of the greatness in the world is bottled up in her.

It is through her strength that I find mine.

Words to Live By

This morning my son's daycare sent out their monthly newsletter. In it was a wonderful bit of wisdom that I thought was worth sharing. Enjoy!

Just for this Morning
I will let you wake up softly, all rumpled in your sheets
and I will hold you until you are ready for the day.
Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile
and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning,
I am going to step over the laundry and take you to
play at the park.
Just for this morning,
I am going to leave the dishes in the sink and let you
teach me that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon,
I will unplug the phone and turn off the computer to sit
with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon,
I won’t worry about what you’re going to be when you
grow up, or every decision I have made where you are
concerned.
Just for this afternoon,
I will bake cookies with you and I won’t fix yours.
Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about
how your were born, and how much I love you.
Just for this evening,
I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening,
I will snuggle beside you for hours and miss my
favorite TV show.
Just for this evening,
I will run my fingers through your hair as you sleep
and simply be grateful that I have been given the
greatest gift ever given.

Checking In

Well, what can I say other than consistency has not been my hallmark.

It's worth revisiting why I blog anyways. The minutes I spend here offer me a moment of reference to reflect on everything that is my life. These minutes help me find center from which to go and hopefully be a positive force.

There has been a tremendous amount of beautiful things happening in our life. My wife's pregnancy is progressing just perfect. We are in the midst of counting down the weeks. Although she could go into labor at any moment. It is really an awesome experience in life, to be standing on the edge of a new adventure.

Meanwhile my son is growing at an alarming rate. It seems that no matter how fast anyone can tell you it will go, it goes faster. When we first got pregnant with our son, a friend told me to hold on because before you know it he will be headed off to college. Hold on to the moments that are so precious, don't let them just slip by. Don't be a happless passenger to the ride. The one thing that I most worry about is trusting the world with the most important pieces of my life. Good thing I have time to muster the courage to accept it.

Bed Time Touchdown

This is a long over due post, but we recently transitioned my son from his crib to a bed on the floor. Well it isn't just any bed on the floor. It was made by me and some great friends of mine.

A big thank you to them and their generosity, for both the materials and skills, it means a lot to me and thank you is the only gesture I can offer in return.

So onto the bed, it is made of the finest Ash wood Iowa can offer, I think it turned out great, and as you can see my son feels the same.

Wow - Do you know me?

Did you ever read something and relate to it so much that it was as though the words in front of you came from somewhere within you?

It doesn't happen often to me, but it did today, I thought I would share it.

"Fastened securely to my back is the weight of a man in his becoming. An anatomy chart littered with the remains of past lives that could not be reassembled. Deep in the heart in which they dwell all things are seasoned beyond my years and reek of mystery."

The first line was what struck me so deeply, I hope it resonates with you.

I Thought He Was With You

Well it finally happened, we couldn't find the little man.

Last night as I was cooking dinner my wife was playing with our son, at least I thought. Until she walked into the kitchen and asked me where our son was.

I said I thought he was with you, she said, she thought he was with me.

The search was on, main floor, clear. No sign of him.

He couldn't have gone downstairs as the gate is closed.

He didn't go outside.

He must be upstairs, but at first glance the upstairs is all clear.

Upon further investigation, he is hiding by the bed! Ah ha!

He did a great job hiding and being very secretive and quite.

But the joke was on us as for a second there my heart skipped a beat.

Day 2 - Here We Go Again

Ah yes I am back at it, and today is the tie maker, tomorrow the tie breaker.

With only 8 1/2 weeks until our next little one is due to join us, the pressure seems to be mounting. When I look at what will be her room I know just how much has to be done in order for us to be ready.

This time it is so much different, it seems that before our son was born I had all the time I needed to get things done, so much so that we painted his room twice. Now it is just the opposite, any free time we have now is recuperation time.

I never feel like getting the things that must be done, done. But all of this must change. I am proud though that over this past weekend we did go get our bassinet. So that is one of the many things on our list crossed off.

The journey only gets better, and time seems to only move faster. In the midst of all of these things my son changes daily. He is so amazing and his capacity to communicate and understand is such a pleasure to watch. Everytime I lay eyes on him my heart over flows with love.

More to come on that tomorrow!

That Wasn't As Good As I Hoped

Well,

2 days, what a streak. I apologize for not doing better.

But as one streak ends it is time for another to begin. So I am back after it today, looking to break my old record.

Speaking of not being as good as I hoped.

Isn't it funny how often in life we enter into something with the best intentions, give what we think is the best effort, and still somehow find a way not to achieve the results we hope for?

Why does this seem to happen.

I am not sure, but it is crazy.

Day 2 - Here We Go

Well we are off to a smashing start, day 2 has arrived and I am in the blog.

The question is what profound do I have to talk about?

Today is the day, it is all we are promised and all we have, let nothing hold you back from delivering on your hearts promise! Embrace that which is dear to you and live with abandon.

On A Mission

Ok, if you looked at the title it describes someone or something on a mission. For today at least that person is me. I am on a mission, well many missions really. But for this arena the mission at hand is to see how long I can go with blogging every day.

I haven't done a very good job blogging, so this is my quest to do better. We will see how it goes, I am after all very much human, and very prone to slipping up.

So today, February 12th, this is what I have to offer. I was reading another blog, read this line and thought it was so good that I should share it.

It is about having children and the fascination with watching them grow. I hope it strikes you like it struck me:

"I guess that’s just how it is when you create a life, you just never cease to be fascinated by this ever so common, but incredibly unique experience of watching a person develop from scratch."

Be Well,

Live Well
Laugh Often
Love Much

A Walk In The Park

This past Saturday my wife had a class she was taking and her being gone created some time for my son and I to be together. This doesn't happen very often but when it does I always relish it. This Saturday was no different. We spent the morning playing very hard in our house, then we capitalized on the great weather we were having to take our dogs to the park.

My son was a wild man, he couldn't be stopped. He was walk running everywhere he went. His joy was contagious and I couldn't get enough. It really is the small things that make our lives so wonderful.

We are in the midst of change all the time and moments are fleeting. My son reminds and teaches me to run, laugh, smile, cry, experience the spectrum. Don't be idle, and don't let the moment pass you by. A lot of wisdom in such a young boy!

Since I Recommended A Movie - Now A Song

Well I thought that since I was playing the role of movie interpreter, I would also take a moment to recommend a song. Music is extremely important in my life as it offers a medium to connect to, and be impacted by, that is hard to find anywhere else.

That being said, my song recommendation is by Dar Williams, and Allison Krauss. The song is called You'll Be The One Who Knows. It is about parenting, really it is about the journey of any parent. Enjoy!

Time it was I had a dream
And you're that dream come true.
If I had the world to give
I'd give it all to you.
I'll take you to the mountains,
I will take you to the sea.
I'll show you how this life became a miracle to me.
You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.
All the things you treasure most
will be the hardest won.
I will watch you struggle long
before the answers come.
But I won't make it harder,
I'll be there to cheer you on.
I'll shine the light that guides you down
The road you're walking on.
You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.
Before the mountains call to you,
before you leave this home,
Wanna teach your heart to trust
As I will teach my own.
But sometimes I will ask the moon
Where it shined upon you last
And shake my head and laugh and say
It all went by so fast.
You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

What A Movie Reminded Me About Unconditional Love

Recently my wife and I watched a pretty popular movie, or at least I think it was, The Kite Runner. I knew the book was popular and hadn't taken the time to see the movie in theaters. But with our new subscription to Netflix, hey anything is possible. So we were watching this movie, and I didn't really know what to expect. But I was deeply moved by what I found. For those of you who don't know the story, don't worry I won't ruin it. For those of you that may have read the book, I am only speaking about how the movie was, as I haven't read the book...Yet.

The story begins with two young boys who by all appearances seem to be the closest of friends. It is in this exchange where I was reminded of the depths of unconditional love and loyalty. The boys are Amir and Hassan, it turns out that Hassan is not only Amir's friend, but also a servant to the family. There is more there, but I will leave it untouched. What is etched in to my memory is how Hassan treats Amir. In the beginning of the movie Hassan and Amir are running kites down after they have been cut by another kite. Hassan has an intrinsic guide that seems to lead kites to him, when other children chase wildly.

So Hassan leads Amir to where he knows this kite will come down, and they have a short exchange but very moving about Hassan. Amir is questioning whether or not Hassan is right about where the kite will land. To which Hassan replies, "Have I ever lied to you Amir"? Upon which Amir decides to mess around with his friend, he asks Hassan, "I don't know, have you?", to which Hassan responds, "I would sooner eat dirt." Amir is kind of shocked by what his friend says and answers him with "Really, you would do that?" And here is were Hassan demonstrates his depth, Hassan says that "If you asked me to I would, but I wonder, would you really ask me to do such a thing?" So we get a glimpse into Hassan's trust for Amir. Maybe it was the little boy acting, or something else but I was deeply moved by this scene. Hassan's trust and love for Amir was unconditional, it knew no limits.

The story continues with Hassan and Amir entering in the cities kite flying tournament. Amir on the lead, and Hassan as his assistant. Upon Amir cutting the final kite and winning the tournament Hassan asks Amir if he would like him to run down this final kite, the kite symbolic of his victory. He tells Amir that he would do it, "For you, a thousand times over." Another gesture in his limitless desire to do anything for his friend. It is this fateful action that is the genesis of the main story.

What I was struck by, and although my short descriptions of the events don't due the movie justice, was Hassan's example of unconditional of love and friendship for Amir.

This demonstration of the depths of unconditional love and trust were great reminders to me of the love that I hope to give to those closest to me.

Catching Up

A lot of time has passed since I have posted anything here of real substance. My hope for 2009 is to be more consistent, as I have said in the past this is an arena for me that offers me an opportunity to reflect and be impacted by the wonders of my life.

With that being said what better time than now to reflect on the last year. 2008 was without comparison the richest year of my life. With my son growing and changing everyday I can say that my heart is full. My beloved wife continues to amaze me in the way she mothers our son as well as how she loves and supports me. All of this on top of finding out that we will be welcoming a daughter to our family. I am proud and excited beyond belief for these gifts.

It is a funny thing when you stop and take inventory of the gifts in your life. In the silence of appreciation I am moved in my soul with the understanding that so many wonders have come my way. It seems that after recognizing these gifts I can only hope that I am doing each of them justice in what I give to them.

2009 stands to be following in the continuation of previous years, building on the joy of the previous year and taking it to another level. My journey grows richer with each passing day.

It's funny in the sense that when we knew we were expecting another child I thought we would be having a girl. As time passed I began to be less and less sure that we would have a girl. Then we found out and all I could think of was how do I make sure she doesn't get mixed up with a boy like me. A close friend of mine passed along an old quote that fits perfect for this, "When you have a boy, you just have to worry about one boy. When you have a girl you have to worry about all boys!!!".

I cannot wait for her to join us. And thankfully enough time is passing by at an epic pace, so it won't be long.

Meanwhile my son continues to push the envelope in all aspects of life. He daily reminds and teaches me that life is meant to be lived full speed, head on.

So it is in that spirit that I will wrap this up.

Live Well, Love Much, and Laugh Often!!!!

Speaking of laughing, when was the last time you had a great big belly laugh? Loosen up and laugh a little!!!