Standing on the Edge

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Many times in my life I have confronted the brutal reality that who I am being can differ greatly from who I am in my heart, leaving in essence the song still in me. It seems that the hectic pace of the day allows for escape from our true center. Our true center being our gift, that gift being that which is most worthy of being shared with others. I have often found that the more I seek center, the more fleeting it is, when I open myself up to simply being impacted by what is around me, I mysteriously arrive at center with no effort. Only the realization that I am there, I am in the place to impact and be impacted. Instead of scrambling to take care of the next item on my to do list, I am where I need to be.

So if you are reading this, you might be saying what is the point of this jibber jabber.

Well my wife's 30th birthday was this week. We had agreed to a large gift for each other, and no real significant gifts for each other on the day as our collective gift is gift enough. So as her birthday drew closer and closer, my insecurity around the lack of material items almost caused panic for me. I knew the only gift I had to give her was me, which is an injustice for her, but really that was all I had to offer.

So she is a teacher, for her birthday my plan was to pick up our son from daycare, eat lunch with her, and spend the afternoon with her in her classroom. Experiencing first hand what her craft was like each day. It didn't work out to bring my son, (when my wife dropped him off at daycare she kept our only car seat). But I was still able to go, and I had no idea what lay before me.

We began our adventure learning about Spain as a prepatory step for the writing exercise to follow, mind you these are kindergardners (and it was all in Spanish). Just watching my wife with the students allowed me to step away from being her husband, and see her using her gifts. I found myself listening to her and the students as an observer, my mind was quite and I was engaged in the moment. Then we broke in to table groups and began writing about what we liked the most from what we had learned about Spain.

I was lucky enough to be seated at a table helping children with all different levels of ability, with one student we had an instant "wow I get it moment" with another we spent 15 minutes going over how to properly write the letter s. But their collective enthusiasm and vigor took me from worrying that I wasn't doing enough for my wife's birthday to knowing that I had never been appreciative enough for not only what she does, but also the grace with which she does it. I found that my heart was full, and on this day I was receiving the gift. I had come down from the edge, and was now at the riverside, able to drink from it's enriching waters.

My challenge is to consistently come off the edge, engage in what is before me and seize the opportunities to learn, grow, love, and care. As these actions naturally draw out what is best within us.