This Time

Leaning against the nursery glass I realized, we are only days away from another miracle in our lives.  You see we decided for good measure that we'd better take a look at the labor and delivery rooms in the hospital we will have our baby later this month.  I should say my wife will have our baby, but what can I say I like to think of it as something we will both do.  I recognize that in reality it is all her; it is as nature intended; in the most capable of hands.

As we waited for someone to take us back we were next to the nursery, I leaned up against the window.  Leaning against that window I pressed my head closer and I heard it, the sounds of an infant crying, that unmistakably delicate and vulnerable sound.  At first I remembered that I know those sounds, I know what this means. ..

Then in a moment I was lifted from that foundation of confidence and shook to my core with the notion that every time is the first time.  Every time is the first time.  While we've been blessed to have two beautiful children, I knew in those moments that really nothing I've done in the past prepares me for this moment, this moment is unique, this moment is the first of its kind. 

I felt ashamed that I'd not realized it sooner; this time is unlike any other.  This time is the first time we will welcome our third child.....

Then I got nervous, nervous in a way that calls me to realize that nothing is ready.  Nervous in a way that causes someone to grab the nearest piece of paper and quickly scribble everything that needs to be done to be ready.

- Put the crib together

- Wash the car seat

- Find the car seat

- Pack clothes for the baby

- Find the stopwatch to time contractions

- And on, and on, you get the point....

Nervous in a way that calls out, I'm going to be a dad again....  Nervous in a way that reminds me that this is the next most important moment of my life.

As I race through this emotional marathon my heart is beating, I think I'm beginning to sweat, my stomach is in knots.

This is really happening very soon.  One question running through my mind, "Will I be a good dad?"

Then I look over at my wife, she's smiling and I know that just like nature intended it, everything is at is should be; in the most capable of hands.

Where do I find the words to say thank you my love.  We're on the most amazing ride together.  Your strength as our guide.