Bad Horse

Genius is eternal patience. – Michelangelo

I couldn’t imagine a better quote exists for helping someone understand what it takes to be a great parent.  I only wish it were easier to be a genius.

This morning I was anything but a genius, I was a beginner, again.

As we were trying to get our son dressed for school it didn’t go as well as I might have hoped.

I lost my patience, and it did anything but help the situation.  Somehow in my mind I knew that where I was going wasn’t helping, but that did little to stop me from going there.  As I rushed him and urged him to accept the choices we were giving him, I lost sight of the fact that he is a 6 year old boy.  6 year old boys have their own way of being, their own set of things they want, and how they want them.  Yet I did little to include him in the process.  Instead I tried to force my way.  Now I am left with the trail of regret that is the cost of not being present, not being mindful, and not listening to what is going on around me.

The work for me continues, and begins new each day.  I am only sorry that my lessons often come at the expense of the joy and happiness of others.

Once again I am reminded that my way is that of the bad horse.

‘…it is said that there are four kinds of horses: excellent ones, good ones, poor ones, and bad ones. The best horse will run slow and fast, right and left, at the driver's will, before it sees the shadow of the whip; the second best will run as well as the first one, just before the whip reaches its skin; the third one will run when it feels pain on its body; the fourth will run after the pain penetrates the marrow of its bones.

Thankful

Giving Thanks….

This is a little late to get here, but my hope is for the people who are impacted, they already know it.

As Thanksgiving came and so quickly went… I was reminded.  Reminded of what really means everything to me.

I recently read two questions that bring this into more clarity.  I ask you to ask yourself these questions as well, that they might bring clarity to your journey.

1 – What is your biggest fear?

For me that answer is simple.  Dying is my biggest fear, but it is a little more complex than that.  The answer becomes, not being.  Not being with my wife and our children.

2 – What is the one thing you love the most?

My wife and our children.

In answering those questions I so quickly return to my basic humanity, a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes.  Life is about love.

As I think about what I am thankful for it is rather easy.

My wife.  Words are an injustice, but they are my favorite medium.  You quite simply are everything in my life, everything that means anything to me begins and ends with you.  I give my every breath that you may know, that you might know that being with you is a gift I could have never dreamt of.  I love everything about you.  You are the greatest mother, the greatest partner, and the greatest person. 

Oscar – our oldest son.  How can I describe what you mean to me?  Hugs, kisses, and tears come pouring out of me.  Son, thank you for teaching me.  Teaching me how far the depths of love go.  You are sooo passionate, so brilliant, and so consumed by what you are consumed by.  I love it.  Your gifts are many.

Vivian – quite simply my love you are all that is the best in everything, much like your mother.  You are the sweetest of angels.  I am so thankful that every day you remind me how beautiful we can be, if only we let ourselves.  As you dance and float (fall down) through your day, everything you touch is more brilliant because you took the time.  You are so emotionally intelligent and complex, I love you.

Abram – our little man, demanding, charging, hugging, squeezing, and eating his way through his day.  Only 2, yet you seem to know so much more than those years.  I am so thankful for having the honor of watching you.  You are two handfuls of little boy, while still needing cuddle time with Mom.  You are amazing.

Cleo – our littlest angel.  I am so thankful for you beautiful.  You are the picture of peace and grace.  Peaceful always.  Graceful as you are totted around while we intervene with your brothers and sister.  I am so thankful to have this time to hold you, to look in your eyes.  Soon you’ll be too busy running to be stopped.  Thank you for reminding me that the first step in being a good father is being humble.  Every night as I try to figure out again how to soothe you, it seems like the first time I’ve ever done it.  Being a beginner is the best reminder that no matter what I think I know, I don’t know anything.  Except that you are the greatest of gifts.