What I don't know, keeps me wise.

Peace

I May Be Late On This, But....

For what it's worth the music from Mumford and Sons is worth checking out.  Awake My Soul has been on repeat for me all day.  Enjoy!

Finally a lefty in Philly to root for!

This morning I was extremely happy to read that Cliff Lee signed with the Phillies.  I thought when they signed Roy Halladay they should have kept Lee, but for many reasons they didn't.  It is going to be great to watch their rotation next year.  Way to go Cliff Lee!

The Good

http://eliotrausch.tumblr.com/

I Know That Look

This morning was like most mornings in our house.  One spent trying to get all the day's affairs in order while simultaneously getting the children dressed, fed, and all of us on our way.  The children always have several others things that they would rather be doing besides eating, and today was no different.  What was particularly funny today was that in the middle of our sons negotiating to do something other than what he was being asked to do...... We made good solid eye contact, and then he smirked...  I knew what he was doing and he knew what he was doing, giving us the business...  It was a beautiful sight to behold.

I couldn't help but smile, and laugh, out loud, from my belly.

My wife and I are both stubborn, why wouldn't he be?

His face looked something like this:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving offers a time of year to stop, reflect, and contemplate the wonder in life for me.  This year I am particularly humbled by just how much I have to be thankful for.  Words are an insufficient offering to demonstrate how thankful I am for my family, but I'll try and summon the words that might begin to describe how thankful I am for all of you.

My wife - quite simply, you are my best friend, the love of my life, and my partner down each road that life takes.  You make me a better man, husband, and father each day.  I can only hope to begin to return those same things to you.  Thank you for being the beautiful guiding force in all that is the story of our lives.  You mean everything to me!

Our son - When you were born I began to learn what life is really all about, that lesson continues today.  Thank you for being such a beautiful little man.  I marvel at how you treasure all that is in front of you, seeking to solve and master, you teach me what it means to learn.  You bring an exceptional brilliance to all that you touch, thank you.  You are amazing!

Our daughter - You live life with so much passion and determination that I can only bare witness to the beautiful force that comes from within you.  The world is your play ground, fearlessly you embrace life and squeeze it with both hands.  I am inspired every moment with you to squeeze life in the same manner and get everything out of it that is possible.  You are beautiful beyond words!

Our dogs - You both are an anchor in our family, teaching us what unconditional love means and what sacrifice looks like.  Thank you for your understanding and for always giving us all that you have.  You are both treasured dearly.

To everyone else:
If you are reading this and your not mentioned above.  Thank you for supporting me, giving voice to the words I type, they are an effort to represent the story of my life.  Without an audience that story doesn't get told.  Thank you for giving me the latitude to express all that is in my heart.  That is a gift, thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Powerful

Wisdom

Do not be too quick
to assume your enemy is a savage
just because he is your enemy.

Perhaps he is your enemy
because he thinks you are a savage.

Or perhaps he is afraid of you
because he feels that you are afraid of him.

And perhaps if he believed
you are capable of loving him
he would no longer be your enemy.

~ Thomas Merton

Brutally Beautiful

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

Well Said!

This came to me from one of the sources I read for inspiration, I hope you enjoy it. http://blog.simpleirontruth.com/

There are few original things left to say.

Chances are good that someone else has said what you’re thinking well before you thought to say it, and that they’ll have said it better.

Perhaps the best you can do is to write from your own life and to speak simply and succinctly.  Respect the brevity of life enough not to waste anyone’s time with pointless, ego-driven garbage which serves nothing but the author’s ego.

People, myself included, tend to fill the air with polysyllabic garbage, didactic phrases, cheerleading, busy talk and noise to mask the hard truth: they speak when nothing needs to be said because they don’t know what needs saying.

Are we really that afraid to appear to know nothing?  How important is it that other people read what we write or hear what we say?  Is it a matter of wanting to help, lead or impress others?  I have a strong suspicion that honest answers here will hurt.  Good.  Pain is a precursor to growth.

Write less but say more. Commit to knowing when to shut the fuck up for once. Then  perhaps in turn you may develop a sensitivity to the moments where something actually needs to be said (and what that something is).  Then have the balls to say it and the talent and attention to detail to communicate in as few words as possible.  Boil things down and they’ll taste better.

If this ultimately leads to me writing less and speaking less, then good.  Rarity lends to value.  Contemplate the difference between a drop of salt water and an ounce of platinum and you will see my point.

Speak short, live long.

So Big - Happy Birthday Little Man!

Today our son turns 3 years old!  Happy birthday to our beautiful boy!

Words cannot describe how awesome you are.

We love you very much!

2 Years Gone - Rest In Peace

Believe in yourself.
Believe in your own potential for greatness.
Believe that you can change the world.
It is something that is within each of us.
Believe in the Power of One.

Musical Discoveries

I have had a couple of musical discoveries that truly "rocked" my musical world.  One of those is Ray LaMontagne.  A few years ago some friends introduced his music to us, he has been a staple on our radio since.  In fact for me it was by listening to his music that I felt like I had finally found music that perfectly fit me.  Yesterday he released a new album and with it a whole new chapter of genius.  On this offering of "God Willin & the Creek Don't Rise", I am blown away by the track New York City's Killing Me....

If you get a chance check it out, you won't be sorry you did.

Peace 

Awesome Quote

This morning in my email I found a wonderful bit of wisdom that I thought was worth sharing, enjoy.

I want to love you without clutching,
Appreciate you without judging,
Join you without invading,
Invite you without demanding,
Leave you without guilt,
Criticize you without blaming,
And help you without insulting.

If I can have the same from you,
Then we can truly meet each other.
~ Virginia Satir

Breckenridge

Late in the afternoon of July 17th we pulled in to what would be our home for the next week in Breckenridge, Colorado.  We were a weary and exhausted bunch, looking to eat and drift off to sleep.  So instead of just grabbing dinner we decided to push our luck with our little ones and go grocery shopping!  If you've ever taken tired and hungry children to the grocery store when you are not really sure what you want to buy, you can imagine the experience we had, lets just say next time we will wait until the next day....

None the less we finally ended up eating and explored our area a little bit.  The area is simply spectacular, unbelievable really.  We fell in love with the mountains on sight.

The next morning was a big farmers market in the downtown area of Breck and we thought it would be a great place to go, we went and the weather was just perfect, the whole scene was more than I could have ever hoped for, complete with a local folk singer singing "Rocky Mountain High".  It was the perfect introduction to the community.  We spent the rest of the day hiking and exploring, this would be the theme for the rest of our trip.

We went searching for moose, bears, elk, deer, badgers, and even an owl.  We did find a badger, owl, and deer, but I guess we will see the rest the next trip.

We met up with several old friends and it was a blessing to share time and space with them.  Our focus was on being together and enjoying each other, and we accomplished this beyond our wildest imagination.  We had a great time, I will leave the rest of the telling to the pictures, I know they do a better job.

Peace

From Rocky Mountain High to the Lower 9th Ward

July 16th we set out for Breckenridge, Colorado. Last night my wife and I returned from New Orleans, Louisiana. We have been on an adventure beyond ordinary and now we are left reeling from what we saw, gasping somehow to digest it all.

Anyone who has ever hiked at close to 12,000 feet knows what I mean when I say that it feels like you are breathing through one of those stir stick straws that you use when you stir your sugar into your coffee.

Likewise one can only gasp when looking at what is going on at the beaches of Grand Isle, LA, or when driving through the Lower 9th Ward in New Orleans.

Our trips left our cups over flowing, and our minds scrambling to try and reflect on it all, savor the beauty, while simultaneously confronting the brutal reality of everything else we saw.

I will attempt here in the coming days to bring out some of those experiences, for now these photos will have to suffice.

Happy Father's Day

In two short days I turn 32, it seems that the time goes faster and the years begin to add up. While that is cause enough for reflection and contemplation, yesterday was Father's day....

For me this time of year is a time when I naturally begin looking back on the last year, and all of my years really. Taking stock of where I am, where I hoped I'd be, all of those questions of contemplation that are the examination of life.

Father's Day has always been a unique time for me, you see I've never known my father, never known his touch of comfort, never known his voice of wisdom, never felt his love for me. While that is a far too common tale these days it is important for the perspective that it gives me today. It is something I don't forget, and some things don't heal.... But because of what I've known, or not known I am able to better know the gift that is our children.

It was through this lens that I fought back tears on Friday morning at our children's daycare as they gave me the gifts they had made for me during our Father's Day breakfast.

In that moment I knew what I'd been thinking all week, what Father's day meant to me. It means to me that there are two things that I am called that forever make me the luckiest man alive, surrounded by angels who call me husband, and dad.

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

32 years ago on this day, the destiny of my life was forever changed. My best friend and life's partner was brought into this world. Happy Birthday beautiful, you mean everything to me.

Baby Girl

April 22nd, 2009 at 10:47 a.m. our daughter was born and my oh my how time has flown since then, we celebrated her 1 year old birthday last week.

In just one year our house has gone from that of a growing family, to the home of a family. It seems as though most days we barely have time to catch our breath, as we are busy playing, laughing, loving, and doing everything else that a family does. It has been an amazing journey to say the least. I'm not sure if time is going by faster or what, but she seems to be doing everything so fast…. From walking to eating by her self, to beginning to talk there has been no slowdown at all. It makes me remember what an old friend of mine had said to me when our son was born, "Before you know it you will be saying goodbye as they are off to college". I only hope that it doesn't go that fast. One thing that made me laugh about her birthday party was that she seemed to have eaten so much dinner that she wasn't really interested in eating too much birthday cake. Maybe we won't have to worry to much about her having sweets!

But our beautiful baby girl is quickly becoming our beautiful little girl. While we are in no rush for this, we have no control over it and we are along for the wonderful journey that it will be. It has been that way since my wife went into labor with her, which if I haven't told that story, here is the abbreviated version:

On April 21st I went out to lunch with some of my co-workers to a restaurant they all enjoy very much. I went with a dish that had been recommended to me. It all seemed to go really well, it tasted alright and all of that. When I got back to the office I had a little bout of upset stomach, but it passed and I thought nothing of it. Later that night at around 10:30 p.m. I had another bout of upset stomach that led to some vomiting and diarrhea for about 2 hours. Meanwhile our toilet broke, which led to some improvisation but it got resolved. I hit the bed at half past midnight looking forward to some much needed rest……

Around 2:30 a.m. my wife woke me up and told me that she had been in labor for an hour… I remembered that we had read and been told that if labor was light enough it might be a good idea to try and sleep through it for a while, so I asked my wife if she thought she could sleep a while longer…. I know this was a bright shining moment for me. But anyways she couldn't sleep anymore and I could do no more than root her on from the fetal position. Around 4:30 we started to make arrangements for our son to be taken care of, now I was keeping time of contractions and everything but I was still very much in the hurt locker.

Fast forward to around 8:00 a.m. and we left our house, I was feeling pretty good by now, except I was tired. On the way we (or should I say I) thought we had time to pick up a coffee on the way to the hospital, I know another brilliant idea.

We got to the hospital and my wife was 8.5 cm dilated, that is when the wonderful journey began and it has never slowed from there!!!!!

Happy Birthday to our beautiful little girl!

Moved

This past weekend was a wonderful one by all measures, we were able to reconnect with old friends, as well as take advantage of an opportunity for all of our children to get to know each other better. We pulled into the hotel in Des Moines it was early afternoon and everything felt as it should, the children played and we caught up. It was a nice reminder of just how fun a little trip can be. After dinner we hit a park and watched the wonder of children at play, it was a peaceful and centering time. That night the ladies left me with all the children and headed to Ani Difranco's concert, everything was just perfect.

They had a great time at the show and built my own growing suspense for Sunday when my wife and I would go see Ani again in Omaha. As we said goodbye on Sunday morning I couldn't help but reflect on how great it is to be with beautiful people.

As we pulled into town we decided to drive by the venue of the concert that night to see if we could by chance meet Ani, we had no luck but instead met her opening act Buddy Wakefield. This made for a funny story as after my wife saw his show the night before she sent me a text predicting that he would be my next "man crush". He got a laugh out of the story and just having a chance to share the story with him made it all the better.

We headed home, caught a nap and went to dinner before going to see Ani again on Sunday. The line was short when we got to the venue allowing us to pick our spot to see the show with no problems. We got situated and waited for the brilliance to begin.

Live music is always a wonderful opportunity to witness live the brilliance of talent and artistic expression, this show was no different. Buddy's opening was fantastic and laid the foundation for a wonderful set from Ani.

One of the most exciting parts for me of this concert was knowing how my wife is a huge fan of Ani and has been for so long. I hoped that she would get a chance to hear some of the old tracks that helped her become such a big fan, as well I hoped that Ani's show would be different from the previous night, Ani delivered beyond our wildest hopes. It was a small venue which made it even better!

We got to hear 18 tracks of her greatest work, thank you Ani for such a moving experience!

Wisdom

Love is the ability
and willingness to allow
those that you care for to be
what they choose for themselves
without any insistence
that they satisfy you.


~ Wayne Dyer

Serendipitous Music - Salvation

As I write this I am listening to the song Salvation, by Citizen Cope. In time's unique way this song was the first song I heard after getting off the phone with my sister, she had a hearing this morning to determine the custody arrangement in her divorce. What an awful experience for any family and any children, my heart goes out to them and I only wish that I could offer a reprieve, or some Salvation............

Right Now Is Someday

In my life's journey I have often found myself planning, plotting, worrying, expecting, you name it, for events that will take place in the future. I think this is a pretty common condition for people and something that can be both healthy and at times unhealthy depending on how strong the influence of these items is on a person. Really I believe that many of these things are simply distractions that inhibit us from experiencing the present moment for what it is. I think that living with intention comes down to living with the intention to pack as much joy, pleasure, and positive energy as you can in this moment. That doesn't mean that we can neglect the responsibilities that a life holds and preparing things to go as we hope they will, but I do think the door is open to back off the ledge a bit and embrace the here and now. I have found that for me the more I can stay connected with this line of thinking the more I am able to begin to slow the stream in my mind down and focus on the right now and making the most of the moment.

Back and Better Then Ever - Some Catching Up!

So I haven't written much of anything lately, unless you count the post I just finished about our daughter beginning to walk, but since that was just minutes ago I won't count it. I haven't written for a variety of reasons, none of which are interesting enough to put down here, but I'm back in the saddle, and I have to say that I am better than ever.

Our lives are full of all of the wonderful ups and downs that life with two children and two dogs can hold, in fact most of the time our cup runneth over. Our son is really coming into his own everyday, he bursts with so much life that it is no wonder that his little body can't hold it all. Our daughter is the only force that seems to match his energy levels, although hers is a little different, she is fiercely determined, detail oriented, and has an insatiable appetite. Our dogs are ready for the winter thaw to continue and allow them and us to be outdoors more often.

I look to be more active in this medium in the future as a means to express and reflect, if your reading I thank you for sharing in my journey as more than anything this is kind of an open journal for me to document what is going on in my life.

Peace

Next Steps

As is the case with a growing family it seems that the tempo and pace of life is always on the rise, change is a constant and nothing remains the same for long. In keeping with that spirit our daughter has begun walking. It seems that she spent just a short time crawling, her determination to keep up with her brother is a strong force, compelling her to rise and walk. It is a beautiful thing to watch her explore her world on two feet as she works to steady herself and explore.

Stop and Push the Car

Last week my wife told me a story that was both funny and enlightening in the lesson that was provided. We have been having what seems to be the worst winter that I can remember in this area, this has made for treacherous roads and at times travel can be a bit of a risk. None the less my wife was on her way to pick up our children the other day when she came upon a stranded traveler, the car was stuck and spinning on the slick streets.

My wife being the wonderful person that she is stopped to help push the car free so that they could both be on their way. As my wife tells it she said to the lady, "let's push it and see if we can get it moving", the lady said great, hopped in the car, assumed the drivers seat, leaving my wife to push...

After some time gratefully another good samaritan joined them, the beautiful thing about this lady was that she spoke only Spanish. As my wife and her worked in concert to push this car, which by the way had somehow died by now and wouldn't start, so the car is in neutral with the driver in the driver's seat, meanwhile behind the car my wife y la senora were in the back pushing, UNO, DOS, EMPUJE!!!!!!UNO, DOS, EMPUJE!!!

They finally got the car moving and miraculously it started, all were back on their way. After my wife told me this story and I finished laughing I couldn't help but be struck by the fact that I have seen some cars stuck lately, and if they were on the same course as I was I often just drove around them, not stopping to lend a hand. This little story became for me a powerful reminder to stop and take the time to help someone else out who needs the help, thank you for that wonderful reminder mi amor! It also helped remind me that when we see or think of something to do for someone else we have a choice, a choice to seize it and take action, or ignore it and stay inside our bubble. I know for me next time I'll stop and push the car, UNO, DOS, EMPUJE!!!!!!!!!!

We Should Have Known

So it turns out that my son had an ear infection, which explains everything. He has always reacted severely to ear infections and this time was no different. He had tubes in his ears, but one fell out and what do you know, ear infection! So we have our daughter who has ear infections in both ears, and our son with an ear infection in one ear. Our daughters ears aren't responding to antibiotics so we are on to shots now, hopefully those resolve everything, if not she is on the path to tubes as well. You gotta love it!

Fatigue V - Hold On

I have spoken a lot in my past posts about fatigue, particularly the fatigue that a growing family is exposed to. The kind that you get from not having a choice as to whether or not you can sleep, because you can't, because your children can't, you can't. Somehow for me I have found that it is during these moments that I somehow most want to sleep, no, most need to sleep, when I know that I have no alternative but to stay awake. Last night was one of those nights, my son couldn't sleep, he could find no peace, he could not find comfort, he was emotional, and the whole night was tough.

From about 1:15 a.m. until 5:45 a.m. our little man was awake with his eyes closed, all the members of his body rolling and tussling about, every so often he broke into tears. Try as we might we could do nothing to solve this riddle. Which is where the battle with fatigue for me began, somehow I have convinced myself that any problem that comes up I expect I can solve it, I expect to be able to take care of it. It is those expectations that often set me up for the mightiest of falls. Because try as I might most things don't really work out like I expect them to, and that can be disappointing, if not frustrating. I continue to teach myself the hard way. On my way in this morning I had two quotes running in my mind:

"Be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on."
— James Frey (A Million Little Pieces)

and

"I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children."
-The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Somehow I don't think I was holding on, and I'm sure I didn't pass the test getting up. The journey continues, the lessons are abundant and my ability to soak them up is limited, which makes the redundant lessons all the more valuable.

One Respe

Early in the evening on January 12th my wife and I watched with sheer horror over the devastation brought by earthquake to Haiti. Haiti is a country near and dear to our hearts, experiences, and minds. We were fortunate enough to have spent time in Port-au-Prince years ago, and while our time there was relatively brief we are humbled and blessed to have learned much in our travels. If you've ever spent anytime with anyone from Haiti you will have come to experience grace and strength first hand. As we watched the reports we knew that this earthquake was a crisis of epic proportions.

I lack the words to describe what this event means to the world, instead I will borrow these, as they say it all:

Haiti

In Haiti you throw a blank page into the air and words leap onto it.
There are so many stories to tell, so many haunted spirits who cry out for ears willing to listen.

Each generation has written a chapter in a never finished book. One chapter runs into another, tied like knots on a thread that has been dipped in the blood of generations. Each generation is akin to brave predecessors: the slave leader Boukman; Toussaint, Dessalines, and Christope – men who made a nation; Charlemagne Peralte who fought the American occupation; the African slaves who bore the seeds of independence. They are all there on the thread, stained by the courage and deceit of many events.

Haiti was declared the first black republic in the world, but to say it is not enough. It must be scrawled across some wall in the blood it cost.

The world forgets Haiti because Haiti has not participated in the world for some time. For years it was shunned because of the violence and massacre that accompanied its hard-won independence. In more recent times, it has not participated in the world because that might mean changes and there are people, Haitians and others, whose interests have been served perfectly well by the status quo.

So Haiti comes and goes out of mind like some mystery island written about in dark books until some news of violence there splashes across front pages. But for those who know it, Haiti remains ever-etched across the mind and heart. It haunts and bewilders and refuses to let lives go on without it. No one owns Haiti, it owns you and you become the blank page across which Haiti scrawls its beautiful and tragic epitaph.